Who am I in a world of so many possibilities?

Relaxing seascape with wide horizon of the sky and the sea

From the day we are born, we start a path. The path to remembering our essence.
It takes strength, wisdom but mostly self-love to achieve that.

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Life from an early age can be complicated as we are faced with a life made for us.
As children, we can’t choose the parents nor the environment in which we will grow. As we make way through our life, we choose what to believe in, either consciously or unconsciously. Most of the time to start with, we adhere to the beliefs of our elders, our ancestors and society. It is only as we develop our personality that we discover the multiple facets we use to interact with the world and our reality.

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We may be influenced by something, inspired by someone or obsessed with an idea, we do this willingly or unwillingly.One way or the other makes no difference as it is the choice we make by default. A choice, out of free will, only happens consciously, from a place of awareness.

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If your choice creates pain in your life, it can be corrected and therefore made from a higher place, as you raise your awareness of the situation that inspired you to make that choice, agreement.

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There is no such thing as a perfect spiritual person, or a perfect pious person. We are all on a path of growth, therefore we can always do our best to guesstimate our level of comprehension and participation in our reality and more accurately choose from a higher place of understanding, compassion and awareness.

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Take my exemple, my father was an abusive man, both verbally and physically. As a child and a teenager, I could only be passive to my environment. Besides crying, complaining, rebelling, there was not much I could do to stop that from happening.
Faced with no ability to comprehend my reality, I was forced to see him as the persecutor. I accepted to believe that, because it was the only way I could understand it, coupled with many beliefs such as shame, guilt, self-pity.

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At the age of 18, I decided to flee and survive him. Did it mean that my reality would soon change?

In the short term, I managed to escape from my father’s tyranny however as years passed by, the pattern of the persecutor came to notice around me. I would choose a friend, a partner, a boss that would soon become the tyran, my father incarnated.

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What does this mean? As adults and even as children we make choices, most of them, unconscious ones.

As a measure of protection and survival, I, personally, stigmatized my dad by placing shame and disgrace on his actions and persona. I chose unconsciously to use the pain inflicted by him and my pain, as a way to deal and cope with the trauma.
That same choice stayed unconscious and played its part for many years in my different relationships, until I started questioning my reality and heal. Once I became aware of what had brought me to the doorsteps of hate, anger and resentment, I consciously made the choice to release my pain, my dad and allow myself to make a new agreement, a new choice based on how I can live and participate in this world.
For many years, I was the child locked in an internal loop of victimization. I rarely allowed myself to grow as there was no place left with a pain that kept growing as the experiences went by.

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Who was I besides a hurt boy? What were the possibilities I allowed the universe to bring to my doorsteps when I chose to feel shame, guilt, self-pity?

I am the story I keep playing in my head and repeating to myself. In a world of many possibilities, many realities, what you went through does not matter as much as what you do with it.

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However complex it may look and sound, the path to healing is a rewarding one. While venturing on it, one formality has to be taken into account: always be inclusive and ask yourself how you are a part of your reality. What are you aware of now that you could not know before? What can you freely decide to think that can boost your awareness of the situation and allow you to make a new choice, a new agreement to elevate your spirit, help you comprehend and release egoism and become the best you can be?

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We are all born free, with the same rights, whether the environment in which we grow reflects that or not, we have the freedom to make it so by becoming aware of our reality, by forgiving ourselves and our past and uphold our innermost desire for love and respect in order to be the most audacious, most amazing human you can be.

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After all, it is up to each one of us to consciously participate in this reality and make this world reflect our choice and actions.

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Be the change you want to see.

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Noor

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